We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
