so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
