There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
