He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i've created a new STD.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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