margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
