The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
