My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize