Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
