It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
