thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
