I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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