so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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