I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
