I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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