I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
