i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
