I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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