Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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