nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
