There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
