remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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