fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
