Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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