Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
