I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
