you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
