I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i will never coherently bang her
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
