I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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