oh god the rape fog is back!
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
