I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
