Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
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Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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