I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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