i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
