Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
