her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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