Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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