here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
