I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize