Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
