pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This baby is an asshole
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
