Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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