508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
