i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
