Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
