o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
