shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
