do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
