My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
