wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
