So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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