Sry I called you an 8
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
