Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
