my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
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