I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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