You made me cry and you don't even care
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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