so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
