Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
