all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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