butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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