i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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