It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
