dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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