So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
As shirtless as possible
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
