Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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