so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The feeling are messing with the penis
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
