Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
