I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
