And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
