operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
