i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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