What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
